Dissertation Proposal...Lessons Learned

I just sent my dissertation proposal to my advisor for review before sending it to the rest of my committee. I'm hoping he will approve it to be sent out and not have any major revisions. I'm pretty sure I've stuck to the essence of what he and I have discussed in terms of the proposal and really, there's no reason to be super picky at this point anymore. It's well thought-through and the methods are clear. It's just the lit review that sucks. And I'm convinced it will suck forever so we need just to move past it!!!

I did learn some things writing this proposal:

1. The way I chose to take notes on the literature did not work. Previously, I typed my notes word for word from the article or book so I could then print an annotated bibliography and categorize my notes and paraphrase, insert quotes as needed. It worked for both of my comps, but I think getting the iPad made me feel like I could just underline as if I had hard copies of everything. But I couldn't keep everything straight that way and tended to not remember what I had read.
2. I don't read enough. I need to be consistently reading the literature. This is the only way to keep me in the loop and to really understand the methodology I'm using. I need to be immersed in this topic - it's the only way to be successful.
3. This process is a struggle and there's nothing I can do about it. I need to struggle through and that struggle makes the future easier. I was feeling very depressed by the struggle and so I avoided it altogether which was not the right strategy. As I pushed through because I had to in order to meet a deadline, I got through to the other side. The only way out is through they say and it was true. 
4. Related to #3, having a consistent habit of working on the proposal helped me to finish it. I didn't perfect this, but working on it everyday, writing at least a bit everyday instead of just reading or searching for things was helpful. 
5. I'm not an idiot. I know how to do this. When I sit down to write, good things come out. Writing helps me to think and process. This needs to be remembered.
6. Finally, I need to remember that I WANT to do this research. I'm excited about it. I was excited to talk about it at the conference and was inspired by the discussions. I wrote close to 12 pages on my proposal in two days after the conference. I have to remember this enthusiasm and why I'm doing this. 

Now that the proposal is out of my hands temporarily, I need to start on my IRB application and a strategy for selling the research to DHS in a way that they'll want to pay me for it - or at least for a portion of it.

In unrelated news, it was chilly in the house this morning.

I put the blanket on her, but she stayed like that for several hours.

The First One Flew the Coop

I went to a dissertation defense this morning of the first member of our cohort to finish. I'm super jealous but so proud of him!! I was kind of confused by his presentation, and bummed that only his committee and two of us showed up, but I'm really glad I went and could support him and congratulate him. He's off to bigger and better things - an awesome sounding professor position in Pakistan.

Someday that will be me, right???? Well, not the Pakistan part...

Light at the End of the Diss Proposal Tunnel

Yes, it's happening. My dissertation proposal is probably 90% finished. I have a couple of short sections of the lit review left, the chapter outline and schedule of deliverables, and I need a snappy title. Hard to believe that this hoop is almost jumped through! Going to the Qualitative Health Research Conference really helped to solidify my thinking and feel much more confident in what I'm doing for my research.

I'm also weirdly excited to start doing the grounded theory methodology. It really appeals to me to a) create a theory and b) become immersed in the data. It will be tons of work with interviews, observations, transcriptions, coding and memo-writing. But it seems like it's structured in a way that requires you to really be consistent and work on it every day rather than letting it pile up, which is a good strategy for me if I can stick to it. The hard part will be being in the field during the day, possible working at DHS as well as keeping up with the transcription and initial coding. Especially at the beginning when it will be so unknown and seem daunting.

I talked to one of my classmates yesterday for an hour about a phone interview she had for an academic position. This helped to light the fire as well because I have to keep my eye on the prize. The reason for all of this is to get an academic job and to have a research agenda moving forward.

Ok, off to a meeting with Tom and his other advisees. I can't believe a month has already passed since the last one!!

I don't like all text posts so here's a picture of me from fall of 1972. My Grandma Costello knitted that poncho. I think this picture just says FALL!!!

Surprisingly this picture is in better shape than it appears here. I scanned it with my iPhone.

Seriously. Writing Is Hard.

I've really been struggling today with my writing. I committed to having a good version of my dissertation proposal to my advisor by Friday. I know what I want to write, but I've been dinking around most of the day not being able to dig in and do it. I don't know why this happens. I know I'm a good writer, I know as I write, I think, and what I turn out ends up being better than it was in my head. I know it's a process. Why is it so hard to get started and stay going??????? It's so frustrating. And depressing.

Whoo Boy It's Been a While

Yeah, no posting since June 17. I've thought about it several (many) times but just didn't feel like I had anything to say and would have had to face up to the fact that I wasn't working on my dissertation proposal to the level that I should have been. I've started and restarted this post many times. I think not posting is definitely a portrait into how I was feeling about my schoolwork - it could wait, do it later, don't feel like it, UGGGHHHH, amongst other things.

But, I'm feeling a bit energized after going to the Qualitative Health Research Conference in Montreal last week. I met a lot of great people in a great city and felt more confident that I really do have something to say and something to contribute, even at this point when I haven't done any of my research yet. I took an amazing workshop about interviewing that really changed how I'm thinking about my interviews. I also started thinking about how I want MY research to be. There was a lot of talk about how qualitative research tends to be descriptive without meaningful analysis or attempts for analytical generalizability (a new term for me that I think bears more thinking about in terms of what I'm trying to do). And I got to meet a lot of great people doing research in interesting things. I was one of the only policy people, but I met two people using similar theoretical underpinnings and they were both so nice and helpful. Those Canadians man, they don't call it Canada-nice for nothing! I don't know how often I'll be able to afford to go to that conference, but I really felt at home.

I also loved Montreal. Contrary to my usual, I took tons of pictures. The conference was basically finished by 3:30 every day (though there were evening events two out of the three nights) so I got to see a good portion of the city. I would definitely go back. Here are some pictures:

My poster! I didn't bring it home with me so I'm glad I took a picture.

I ran along here on Monday evening. It was windy but nice. Everyone else was wearing way more clothes than I!!

At the beginning of the trek up Mt. Royal on Tuesday. Gorgeous day, gorgeous place!

At the top of Mt. Royal - amazing view of the city!

Cool art on the side of a building in China Town.

View from the Tower at Olympic Parc - another gorgeous day!

Kid jumping off the high dive at the Centre Sportif at Olympic Parc

Old Port

Blerg - Job Market Woes

Well, I don't know if you can call it job market woes when I'm not going to be on the job market this fall. That's the conclusion my advisor and I came to on Friday. I just won't be far enough into my dissertation by the time the postings come out to be a competitive candidate so it makes no sense to be on the market. I pouted about it on Friday and yesterday, but I'm ok with it now. Not looking forward to two more years in limbo, but I think it frees me up to do the type of dissertation I want to do, can work, and maybe even, I don't know, try to have a family or something. It definitely gives me a lot more flexibility than trying to get everything finished in one year plus being on the job market. Matt was totally fine with the news - he was the one convincing me it was all going to be ok!

So nothing really changes for now. Will get a publication out this summer and be working on my dissertation proposal. Tom wants one that's been circulated to my committee by Oct. 1 which I think is totally doable. What's great is that if I can get the dissertation mostly completed by this time next year, I'll have a lot of flexibility with what I do with myself in my last year.

It's Father's Day. Happy Father's Day to the best dad ever! My dad!!

On my wedding day. I love this picture!

ARR Summer Series Race #1

Today Stacy and I ran the first race of the summer series put on by the Arizona Road Racers. We did the series last year and while it was hot and sometimes miserable, it was still fun. Plus, they have the best race shirts and the price is insanely cheap for five races. This race was at Papago Park and it was a GORGEOUS morning. After weeks of high 90s and up to 108*, we had a 66* morning with a cool breeze. I was feeling a bit discouraged because my running lately has been pretty sucky so I wasn't really looking forward to actually running.

But, the race went pretty well. My shins were a bit stiff and tight but didn't hurt or make my ankles tight. The last mile was tough because I was running faster than my cardiovascular fitness was ready for! Also, they did a staggered start where each age group started 30 seconds apart with the slowest ones going first. So from about the 1 mile mark to the end, I was constantly being passed by the faster people. It was actually quite demoralizing, especially when I was really struggling mentally and physically toward the end.

According to my GPS, I ran 3.13 miles at a 9:47 min/mile pace. Here's the breakdown:
Mile 1: 10:03
Mile 2:  9:43
Mile 3:  9:38 + .13: 9:17

I was very surprised because my legs felt like I was going much slower than that, especially the first mile. (I thought I probably was running around 10:40 that first mile.) Looks like I need to average just under 9:40/mile to break that 30 min mark. I'm not sure it's in the cards the rest of the season with the heat but we'll see! Stacy killed it - finished in 26 something. She's awesome!

Mission Accomplished!

It was a big job because I also dusted my bookshelves and reorganized my books, but it's done. I even updated my c.v.! Always nice to organize after the school year is over.

Before

After - Why does that bottom shelf look so crooked? I don't think it really is.

Blerg.

I'm not sure what's going on here. I've just been wiped out yesterday and today. Like seriously fatigued. I don't know if it's lingering effects from helping Andrea move all of those boxes or if I'm low on iron or what.

Tomorrow I'm running a 5K race - the first in the Arizona Road Racers summer series. The weather is going to be AWESOME and I'm bummed because my running is crap right now. I know if I was still running like I was at the beginning of the year I'd finally break that damn 30 min. barrier, but my running has been sucko since March and I'm out of shape and it's not going to happen. ARRRGGGHHHH. Next week I'm starting my pool running regimen.

Goal for the day (always nice to make your day's goal at almost 1pm) is to clean off my desk and organize my library books into keep/return.

Wednesday, really???

This week has been flying by and nothing is getting done. I'm semi OK with that because Monday was recovering from the conference, Tuesday was a bit productive and today was productive but not for me! I helped Andrea take a gajillion boxes to the post office to send to her new apartment in Austin. We also went out to breakfast with Jeff, Bean and Marga. Man, I still really hate that everyone is leaving!!! These are my people! It's also weird to think that at this time next year, I'll probably be getting ready to leave - if all goes well that is.

So, I'm wiped out. The heat (over 100*) plus carrying boxes down from the 3rd floor, plus taking them out of the car at the post office was enough to wipe me out for the rest of the day. At least I got my workout in.

Nerds on the Beach

Ahhhh - my happy place.

I got back last night from South Padre Island and the 2012 PAT-Net conference. I didn't have a great conference experience because I only attended two panels but my presentation went really, really well. I would have gone to more panels, but the organizers were talking about moving my panel from Sunday morning to Saturday afternoon (this information was relayed on Friday night) so I spent Saturday morning prepping my presentation. Then it turned out that we didn't change the panel after all. It was pretty irritating and unorganized. BUT, there were like 20 people in my panel which is a record for me - like by 10 times! And they seemed to like my presentation about using Marx's theory of alienated labor to create a similar theory about being alienated from the body or from your health. Almost all of the comments and questions were for me and they were all positive and really showed that I hit a chord with the crowd. I was floating afterward it was AWESOME! I also wonder if I could publish that idea. I was thinking it was maybe lame, but the response I got was great. Plus I came up with the idea of surplus health which I think is worth exploring. I also had a suggestion to think of surplus health in terms of behavior rather than measured outcomes which might be a way to go. We'll see! I do think the field is ripe for some theory and another person on my panel was talking about theory in public health, but he did it in a very boring, instrumental way.

I also talked to my advisor and he thought the project I mentioned earlier sounded like a good deal and that I should not worry about revising my comps and just work on my proposal. That's great news. I just have one more person to hear from about my last comp and if he doesn't have any major revisions, those are done but for the defense. Another milestone! YAY!

In non-academic news, I finished reading Lost in Shangri-La by Mitchell Zuckoff. Well, started and finished yesterday. It's a page turner! I really enjoyed it. It's a non-fiction account of a plane crash during WWII in New Guinea and the survival story of three people and the amazing rescue. I was seriously riveted the entire time. Go read it!

The First Day of the Rest of my Academic Life?

So today I had a meeting with a professor I contacted several weeks ago because we seemed to have similar interests and I'm desperate for a project for my dissertation. We had a good meeting back then and she asked me to send her some writing samples. That's when I panicked. My writing is good, but she's a quantitative researcher and most of my stuff has been theoretical and qualitative. So I sent her two papers, one of which was my one peer-reviewed paper and wondered what she'd think of an academic paper that talked about power, cleansing, shit, citizen engagement and Facebook. Yes, you can connect the dots between all of those things! Well, at least I can. :) Anyway, I hadn't heard anything and was just thinking that she must think I'm a complete idiot when she emailed me on Friday saying she had a possible project for me. I was cautiously excited but a little nervous that it wouldn't match my interests or skill sets.

Well, it looks like my fears were completely unfounded. In talking to her about the project, it quickly became clear that even though I'll have to do some research that would not be in my dissertation or would be a very small piece, there is space for me to do some qualitative work and it sounds like I can pretty much design it from the ground up. We talked to the woman from the agency that we would be partnering with and she sounded open to really anything I wanted to do (within reason of course) as long as they got the piece that they needed. There would be funding and everything!! Now I just have to talk to my advisor and figure out exactly what's possible and what's doable.

So, unlike anything else I've done in my academic career, this development could literally shape at least the next 2-3 years of my career at least and maybe even more. Yikes!! It's crazy to think about. If this is the project, this is what I'll be presenting on in interviews. It's becoming very real - the possibility of finally being out of school. The other thing that is really great is that the work I do for them will have deadlines to help me stay on track. That's a gift all by itself!

So now I really have to buckle down and figure out the theoretical framework and methodology of I want to do so when I meet with the agency lady, I can lay out a couple of ideas and see what will stick. Even though there's a lot of work ahead of me, it's such a relief to even think about having a project.

Blogging Take 2

So, I really didn't like using tumblr and how it would tell me that there were notes or likes but I couldn't see them. What's the point of saying my post has 5 notes but then when I click on them, there's nothing there???? I'd like to find a way to export my posts to here but we'll see if I even bother. I felt like I did some good writing there and would prefer not to lose it all.

My goal is to write here every day. Some days it'll be a journal of life, other days it will be reflections on my academic stuff so that part will be boring. I wonder if I can make certain posts private so I don't subject anyone who might stumble across this to boring things about Bourdieu or health policy. I know that my mind works better when I can write about the things I'm reading in a more dynamic way than just taking notes. I was just going to use a Word doc, but this should allow me to categorize and search which will be helpful, as long as I write!