ABD!

I'm not sure it has sunk in yet, but I am ABD. A candidate. Dang. It took too long - 4.5 years, but I got here and am excited to do my dissertation research. My committee was great and my defense was really a conversation about how best to go about doing what I want to do in a strategic and rigorous way. I chose wisely with my committee!! Now my last hurdle is to get USDA permission to do my research. I don't know how long that takes and I've been dragging my feet on getting the necessary materials to my boss for some reason. Gotta get that done this morning.

A Productive Morning!

While not as productive as it could have been, I checked a big to-do off of my list. I finished the documents needed to give to DHS in order for the USDA to approve my research. This is a big step towards commencing my field work. Unless my boss thinks it needs major revisions, it should be ready to send this week. I'm curious how long the process will take. I'm proud that I finished that task this morning. I've had plenty of mornings that were completely unproductive, which is frustrating.

I'm not sure how ready I am to go back to work. Even though it's only part time, sitting in the office for 4.5 hours/4 days a week is really mentally tiring. It doesn't help that the work is tedious. I'm so thankful for the job but sometimes that's hard to remember when I'm making Excel spreadsheets all day!!

Off to take the Penny dog for a walk and do a strength workout.

Back to Real Life

We had a great time going back to Iowa City for the holidays. My nephews are at such a fun age and everyone was home for the first time in 3-4 years. It was COLD when we were there - rarely got above freezing. But it was sunny almost every day so that made up for it. We took in a corker of a men's basketball game - Iowa vs. Indiana. Iowa kept it close the whole time and the arena was sold out since there was no bowl game. It was one of the loudest things I've ever been to and it was great fun even though we lost. I had kind of forgotten how exciting it can be to be at a Big 10 sporting event. It's a little nuts and slightly sickening to think of all of the money and effort going into a game, but I won't lie, it was a blast and I was hoarse from screaming by the end. I went running at the rec center once and then outside once. Lame! In my defense, I spent two days with a sour stomach and one day visiting friends. We also went sledding with the nephews which was fun but cold. Running gloves are not appropriate sledding gloves!!!

With Herky before the game. I only had to push one little girl out of the way!

Inspiration on 1st Ave. near City High!

As usual I've slacked on my work. I took some time away from the proposal when it was in the hands of my advisor. The IRB process is finished - exempt - yay! But I now have comments from two out of my three committee members and need to get going on revisions. I need to defend this month so I can apply for the dissertation fellowship. If I got it, that would be a HUGE load off of my mind since I'm 99% sure I won't have the time or energy to work at DHS while I'm doing my field work. I also have a paper that needs some significant editing. Lots of work to do!!!

I've been thinking a lot about resolutions lately. I don't like making them since they usually get broken, but I also love the idea of starting the year fresh with a new vision of how you want your life to be. I keep thinking about this quote I have on my desk that says, "You are what you do repeatedly." If that's the truth, I'm in serious trouble. Because what I do repeatedly is surf the internet and avoid my work. So that's my resolution this year, is to be mindful of who I am and who I want to be as evidenced by what I do repeatedly. I know resolutions are supposed to be specific and goal oriented and blah blah blah, but this is as good as it gets. I am what I do repeatedly. Watching Mad Men and refreshing Facebook all day is not who I want to be (what I did repeatedly yesterday).

Dissertation Proposal...Lessons Learned

I just sent my dissertation proposal to my advisor for review before sending it to the rest of my committee. I'm hoping he will approve it to be sent out and not have any major revisions. I'm pretty sure I've stuck to the essence of what he and I have discussed in terms of the proposal and really, there's no reason to be super picky at this point anymore. It's well thought-through and the methods are clear. It's just the lit review that sucks. And I'm convinced it will suck forever so we need just to move past it!!!

I did learn some things writing this proposal:

1. The way I chose to take notes on the literature did not work. Previously, I typed my notes word for word from the article or book so I could then print an annotated bibliography and categorize my notes and paraphrase, insert quotes as needed. It worked for both of my comps, but I think getting the iPad made me feel like I could just underline as if I had hard copies of everything. But I couldn't keep everything straight that way and tended to not remember what I had read.
2. I don't read enough. I need to be consistently reading the literature. This is the only way to keep me in the loop and to really understand the methodology I'm using. I need to be immersed in this topic - it's the only way to be successful.
3. This process is a struggle and there's nothing I can do about it. I need to struggle through and that struggle makes the future easier. I was feeling very depressed by the struggle and so I avoided it altogether which was not the right strategy. As I pushed through because I had to in order to meet a deadline, I got through to the other side. The only way out is through they say and it was true. 
4. Related to #3, having a consistent habit of working on the proposal helped me to finish it. I didn't perfect this, but working on it everyday, writing at least a bit everyday instead of just reading or searching for things was helpful. 
5. I'm not an idiot. I know how to do this. When I sit down to write, good things come out. Writing helps me to think and process. This needs to be remembered.
6. Finally, I need to remember that I WANT to do this research. I'm excited about it. I was excited to talk about it at the conference and was inspired by the discussions. I wrote close to 12 pages on my proposal in two days after the conference. I have to remember this enthusiasm and why I'm doing this. 

Now that the proposal is out of my hands temporarily, I need to start on my IRB application and a strategy for selling the research to DHS in a way that they'll want to pay me for it - or at least for a portion of it.

In unrelated news, it was chilly in the house this morning.

I put the blanket on her, but she stayed like that for several hours.

The First One Flew the Coop

I went to a dissertation defense this morning of the first member of our cohort to finish. I'm super jealous but so proud of him!! I was kind of confused by his presentation, and bummed that only his committee and two of us showed up, but I'm really glad I went and could support him and congratulate him. He's off to bigger and better things - an awesome sounding professor position in Pakistan.

Someday that will be me, right???? Well, not the Pakistan part...

Light at the End of the Diss Proposal Tunnel

Yes, it's happening. My dissertation proposal is probably 90% finished. I have a couple of short sections of the lit review left, the chapter outline and schedule of deliverables, and I need a snappy title. Hard to believe that this hoop is almost jumped through! Going to the Qualitative Health Research Conference really helped to solidify my thinking and feel much more confident in what I'm doing for my research.

I'm also weirdly excited to start doing the grounded theory methodology. It really appeals to me to a) create a theory and b) become immersed in the data. It will be tons of work with interviews, observations, transcriptions, coding and memo-writing. But it seems like it's structured in a way that requires you to really be consistent and work on it every day rather than letting it pile up, which is a good strategy for me if I can stick to it. The hard part will be being in the field during the day, possible working at DHS as well as keeping up with the transcription and initial coding. Especially at the beginning when it will be so unknown and seem daunting.

I talked to one of my classmates yesterday for an hour about a phone interview she had for an academic position. This helped to light the fire as well because I have to keep my eye on the prize. The reason for all of this is to get an academic job and to have a research agenda moving forward.

Ok, off to a meeting with Tom and his other advisees. I can't believe a month has already passed since the last one!!

I don't like all text posts so here's a picture of me from fall of 1972. My Grandma Costello knitted that poncho. I think this picture just says FALL!!!

Surprisingly this picture is in better shape than it appears here. I scanned it with my iPhone.

Seriously. Writing Is Hard.

I've really been struggling today with my writing. I committed to having a good version of my dissertation proposal to my advisor by Friday. I know what I want to write, but I've been dinking around most of the day not being able to dig in and do it. I don't know why this happens. I know I'm a good writer, I know as I write, I think, and what I turn out ends up being better than it was in my head. I know it's a process. Why is it so hard to get started and stay going??????? It's so frustrating. And depressing.